The other day I was talking on the phone and I got super frustrated. I lost my temper, raised my voice and didn’t talk in the nicest of tones. In the moment it felt like the only option. It didn’t feel in my control. I was frustrated and I was acting it out.
After I got off the phone I started crying. I instantly felt terrible.
“I messed up”, “I did something wrong”, “I did a bad thing”.
My brain was offering me up all the thoughts.
I acted it out a while longer and then decided to take a look inside.
I realised that I felt terrible not because I raised my voice on the phone but because I was thinking:
I’ve messed up and done something wrong.
Thinking this way made me feel shame. And it felt terrible.
It felt all consuming.
See, all of our feelings drive our actions, so when I was feeling shame, I started taking actions from that place - from that emotion.
I started talking meanly to myself in my mind, I started looking for evidence of other times I believed I had messed up, I was distant with those around me and wasn’t taking responsibility for what happened but instead blaming the other person on the phone.
Doing these things created the experience for me where I was continuing to “do wrong”, I was continuing to “mess up” and I was believing that not only what I did was wrong, but I was wrong.
I was 100% creating the evidence to prove what my brain was thinking.
Our thoughts ALWAYS create our experiences & the results in our lives. So when I believe that I have done something wrong and make that a BAD thing, then I continue to create more of that.
It got me thinking - What if I was more open to being wrong and not making being wrong or doing something wrong such a horrible thing?
What if it was okay to be wrong? What if it was normal?
If I believed it was okay to be wrong then this is what would have unfolded for me:
I have done something wrong and that’s ok.
Thinking this way would make me feel accepting.
Acceptance would definitely not create more beating myself up in my brain, I wouldn’t be looking for more evidence to prove how wrong I am, instead I would love myself and those around me (including the person on the phone), I wouldn’t be blaming anyone and instead would take responsibility for being a human being who sometimes does things she wished she didn’t do and that was ok.
By taking these actions, I would believe that I am okay. I would continue to love myself as the amazing human I am EVEN when I make a mistake and do something wrong.
I like this route much better.
See, we are brought up being taught what is right and what is wrong and to do the right thing all of the time.
We aren’t taught that wrong is a part of life and is okay and doesn’t mean we are bad.
I have decided to open my mind and my heart to the idea that being wrong is okay as well as the power of the word “and”...
Sometimes I am wrong and sometimes I am not.
Sometimes I am emotionally strong and sometimes not.
Sometimes I am killin it at life and other times, not so much.
Sometimes I am a patient mom and sometimes I am the opposite.
And sometimes I am kind and loving and then there are the times that I am not.
All of this is normal and beautiful and a part of being a human being.
And the amazing thing is, it’s up to me to decide to choose acceptance and compassion or judgment and shame.
I choose option 1.
Have a beautiful day.
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