Today I am going to feel

So another lockdown eh?

That sucks. 

I know that it’s necessary.

I know that it’s really important to do in order to keep everyone safe.

I know that staying home is way less difficult than it would be to lose someone to Covid 19.

And I know I will stay strong and continue to do my part to help. 

But it still sucks. 

I am bummed I can’t share baby Ty with my family this Christmas and that most of my amazing family members haven’t even met him yet.

I am sad because I can’t hug my dad and step-mom and damnit I really miss hugging them. 

I miss being in a big room with lots of people. Like LOTS of people. 

It stinks that I can’t take Toby to the library or to swimming lessons or to do much of anything outside of the house other than walks and scooter rides.

I miss seeing people’s smiles as I walk around town. 

I want so desperately to see my beautiful friends. To sit beside them on the couch and catch up without a screen in front of it. It’s been such a long time since I have been with my friends in person and I am so ready for that reunion. 

And the list goes on. 

And I know that this too shall pass, and that it’s not the end of the world and that I am lucky to be healthy and safe.

But I also know that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay for me to want to feel down today. 

And the same is true for you.

We do not need to feel positive about the current circumstances in which we find ourselves. 

We do not need to think positive thoughts right now if we don’t want to. 

That’s not the point. 

The point isn’t to find positivity in everything that happens, it’s to embrace all of it - all of the emotions and to feel all of it. 

Because part of being a human being is experiencing both positive and negative emotions because we can and we want to. 

For this moment this morning, I am not going to try to think thoughts that make me feel better.

Today I am going to feel bummed. 

And I am going to love myself and my emotions exactly as they are today knowing that nothing is wrong with me. 

I am simply choosing to embrace this side of being a human being. And all will be okay. 

xo