There was a time in my life where I believed that if someone was crying, it meant that something was very wrong.
There was a time in my life when I believed that if Toby was crying, it meant that something was very wrong and it was possible that it was my fault.
Actually I didn’t just think it was possible that it was my fault, I believed it was because of me. Because of something I did, something I didn’t do, or something I could have done better.
What an interesting way to think. To think that I was capable of making someone feel an emotion.
What’s even more interesting is - of course I believed this. This is what I was taught. We actually get taught this in school.
I was taught that people could hurt my feelings. That I could hurt other people’s feelings. That my actions could affect how someone else feels so I internalized the belief that I better make sure that I am always acting in a way that makes other people feel happy.
That’s a lot of pressure.
What’s fascinating is that I have learned that it isn’t true. Not one bit. How freeing.
Our feelings don’t come from other people. They don’t come from what other people say to me or think about me. They don’t come from buying new things or doing activities that I love. None of our feelings come from outside of us.
So where do they come from?
They come from our thoughts.
Our thoughts about other people and what they say and do.
Our thoughts about ourselves.
Our thoughts about events that happen in the world.
This gives me so much of my power back.
I don’t have to rely on other people’s actions and words in order to feel good enough. I am in charge of feeling good enough. ALL ME BABY!
I feel incredibly lucky to have learned this nugget of truth so I can teach my son Toby and all my beautiful clients that WE are in charge of how we feel. Always. It’s not based on anyone or anything outside of us.
We create ALL of the feelings we get to feel on a daily basis. The positive ones, the negative ones, all of them.
Have a beautiful, emotion-filled day. xo
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