Life is 50/50.
That’s what my coach taught me and that’s what I now teach.
And I kinda love it.
What it means is that the goal of our lives is not to be 100% happy all of the time.
For one, it’s not even possible. If happiness were supposed to be the goal of our lives then we would choose happiness when someone we love dies.
And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to feel happy when someone I love dies. I want to feel sad.
So knowing that 100% happy all of the time isn’t even possible, can lift a bit of weight off our shoulders because we can relax in the knowing that having negative emotion is part of life.
50% to be honest.
50% positive emotion and 50% negative emotion.
That’s the way it is when you are living the life of a human being with a human brain.
For me, this week has been a great example of 50/50.
Toby and I playing Starbeam and Cosmic Crusher out on the playground. Laughing our faces off. Me feeling joy because I love spending time being silly with him.
Ty smiling SO much that I think if I asked him to stop it wouldn’t be physically possible for him. He loves to smile and giggle and when I look into his eyes I think about how lucky I am and it lights up my world.
Toby telling me “no”, throwing his stuffies out of his bed, screaming and crying because he doesn’t want to go to bed and he “just doesn’t want me to leave”. In this moment I feel defeated and sad because I am wishing that it would just be easier.
And Ty not having his naps in the day and waking up more in the night has my mind going all ‘sleep sergeant’ on me because I am worried that his sleep is regressing and I am somehow doing something wrong.
See, all of these moments in my week have happened and I always have a choice of how to perceive these moments.
Because it’s always my thoughts that create my feelings.
Toby saying “no” to me doesn’t make me feel defeated - I feel defeated because of how I am choosing to think about his actions. And in those moments I sometimes want to feel disappointed, I want to feel sad and frustrated and defeated. I don’t want to feel happy.
And that is okay.
And other times I want to feel open and curious and understanding when it takes 1.5 hours to get Toby to bed as well as accepting of Ty’s current sleep patterns.
And that is okay too.
All of it is okay.
One isn’t better than the other.
Because emotions aren’t a problem. They don’t need to be fixed. And I am not broken or wrong or not enough when I feel them.
I wanted to post this today in hopes of giving other amazing parents the permission to not feel “positive” and “happy” about having their children home doing online learning.
It’s okay to feel bummed out about it. It’s okay to wish it were different.
But instead of judging yourself for not loving all of it (which let me tell you - is a practice) give yourself some compassion and grace and love for being amazing no matter what you are feeling.
A beautiful friend gave me this thought to think that has helped a lot this week:
I can always love my children and not always love taking care of them.
I feel comforted and accepting when I think this.
I want to give you permission to be okay with thinking this too, with wanting a break, wanting some time to yourself, wanting to run away from life for a bit.
It’s all okay. You are ok.
Nothing has gone wrong.
You are always 100% perfect and whole and worthy exactly as you are living your 50/50 life.
In the moments when you’re losing it inside and you’re counting down the minutes until bedtime AND when you’re making dinosaurs out of playdough feeling grateful for all you have - your worth, your value, your enoughness never wavers.
I love you all. Have a beautiful day.
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