It's not better there than here.
So I am still pregnant, lol. I was due to deliver our sweet baby boy on Saturday, September 26. The day came and went. Then Sunday, came and went. It’s now Monday and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival (and super fun delivery part, lol) of our babe.
People told me second time babies come quicker. That they come before your due date. I was so hopeful for this.
However, not in the cards for this mama.
I have noticed myself feeling a ton of different emotions…
- Frustration
- Disappointment
- Excitement
- Acceptance
- Sadness
- Optimism
And so many more.
And I am also noticing myself attributing my feelings to the circumstance of whether or not our baby has come yet.
Because our baby isn’t here I am feeling frustrated.
When our baby is here I will feel relieved.
I have to remind myself that my feelings do not come from whether or not our baby is here. Crazy, I know. But it’s true.
Our baby being here yet or still being inside my tummy is - wait for it - neutral. This current circumstance is not causing my emotions. Not one bit. But boy oh boy does it feel like it.
It feels like if I can just have this baby then I will feel better.
However, the biggest gift I can give to myself is the reminder that I can feel better now if I want. It’s not better there than here. It’s just a different circumstance which would create different thoughts and therefore different feelings.
For example,
Right now, some thoughts are
- I don’t want to wait anymore. (frustrated)
- This is super annoying. (frustrated)
- I can’t wait to meet our baby. (excited)
- Oh right, I have to deliver him first. (nervous)
- I thought we would have met him by now. (disappointed)
See, it’s not the fact that our baby is still inside my tummy, but it’s what I am making that mean that is causing my feelings. It’s always what I am choosing to think that determines the way I feel.
And that’s the best news. Because that’s completely within my control.
The idea that “life will be better when” is something I have held on pretty tightly to over the years. It will be better when it’s the weekend, when it’s summer holidays, when I lose 10 pounds, when the house is clean. I believed so strongly that when these things would happen, then I would feel better.
It left me very powerless and just waiting to enjoy my life, instead of deciding to enjoy it now, regardless of what is going on around me.
Now, this doesn’t mean we have to want to enjoy life. No way hosay. It just means we always have the option.
I am deciding to be gentle with myself and I am allowing the frustration and the fear. Allowing all of it to be there while I wait to meet my babe. And I am also being conscious of other ways I could think and feel if I didn’t want to feel that way. I love knowing that the option is mine and my feelings are not caused by my current situation.
The same can be true for you.
Have you noticed yourself thinking “it will be better when…” or “I will feel better when”?
Share with me below what your brain offers you when you complete this sentence. And then notice how it leaves you waiting to feel better until that thing happens. Totally okay to do that, and also totally okay to change your thoughts in order to feel better now.
xo
