How do I want to feel?

Have you ever wished that the people in your life would just do things the way you want them to? 

Like come on. Life would be so much easier if our children would do what we say. And our partners would do things like we do things. And our bosses would run things the way we would. 

Trouble is, life doesn’t work that way. We can’t control the people. No matter how hard we try. 

We can’t even make our sweet son Toby do what we want him to. Go figure. Like this morning, when he didn’t want to get ready to go to daycare because he would rather play. 

Duh mom & dad. Get with the program. I am in charge here. 

We feel you Tobes. But it’s time to get dressed to go to daycare. 

“But I don’t want to.”

Damn. Now what?

When this happens in our house, and we’ve been patient and we have given lots of time and notice, and he continues to not want to go, we can feel our feelings changing. Our bodies getting hot, our fists clenching, our shoulders tightening.  

He should be doing what we have asked him to. 

It’s time to go because daycare wants him there at 9am. 

We are going to be late. 

We don’t like being late. 

Ugh this is so annoying. 

Notice the thoughts running through the mind. These sentences are what are causing our frustration or anger or upset. 

Totally fine and not that big of a deal. But the thing is, we would rather experience this moment in time differently. 

So we ask ourselves 

How do I want to be feeling right now?

Calm, loving, compassionate. 

So then, what must we think in order to feel that way?

In 30 minutes this won’t matter. 

Tomorrow we will have completely forgotten that this was even a thing. 

We understand you Toby and know what it feels like to not want to do something. 

We love how much you love your toys.

This too shall pass.  

We will get there when we get there and all will be okay. 

Being late doesn’t mean we are bad. 

Picking these thoughts feels so much better and allows us to experience the morning with our son in the way we most desire. 

If something happens and you notice yourself reacting in a way that feels uncomfortable. In a way that you’d rather not. Take a minute, and pause. Notice how your body is feeling. Remind yourself that nothing has gone wrong and you are simply having a feeling, which is a vibration in your body. That’s it. It might not feel great, but you are okay, you won’t die, and it will soon pass.

Then ask yourself, how do I want to be feeling right now?

And then, what would I need to be thinking in order to feel that way?

Take these moments in your life as moments that are there to teach you something. 

Moments that are there to encourage you to use your brain on purpose and become the best version of your badass self possible.

It’s not always easy. But it’s so worth it. 


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