Anxiety has a hold of me

I’ve been waking up with that pit in my stomach this week. 

That all consuming feeling that seems to wash over me like a tidal wave. 

The feeling that makes me want to cry and scream and run away. All at the same time. 

It sucks. 

I don’t like it. 

I don’t like it because it feels uncomfortable.

It feels heavy and tingly and fast. 

It’s in my hands and arms and tummy. 

And I want for it to go away so badly.

So that I can feel better and be better and enjoy my life. 

I also don’t like it because of the story that goes along with it. 

The story that has been practised in my mind for many years. 

The story that I thought had taken a hike but sometimes does a uey and comes back for a visit. 

Something is wrong. 

This isn’t okay. 

I’m not okay. 

I need to fix this. 

I’ve got to do something. 

Something is wrong. 

And then I pause. 

It’s in these moments that I am reminded that my default brain, my primitive brain, my brain that thinks I am in danger, is currently driving the Carly bus of life right now. 

I pause again. 

Nothing has gone wrong. 

Breathe. 

I’m okay. 

I leave my brain for a minute and go into my body. 

I feel tingling in my arms, heaviness in my chest, a buzzing in my hands. 

It feels fast. 

It feels warm. 

I am feeling anxiety. 

It’s a vibration in my body. 

It doesn’t feel comfortable. But it won’t kill me. 

I can handle this. 

I’ve got this. 

I stay in my body. I feel the vibration move around. I become the watcher of my body. 

My brain gets involved and tells me I’m doing life wrong and I gently and lovingly let it know I am safe. 

And I go back into my body. 

I feeeeeeel the vibration. 

Everything is okay. 

I am okay. 

And then in time, I notice the vibration settle.

Everything is okay. 

I am okay. 

I’ve got this. I’ve always got this. 

xo

Relatable? You’re not alone. Welcome to the club. 

Experiencing anxiety has been programmed in our brains to mean that something is wrong. To mean that something is wrong with us. 

I want to offer you that this is completely untrue. 

You are 100% whole, amazing and perfect - anxiety and all. And if you want help loosening its grip on you, I’ve got you.